Comfort Foods That Really Do!

(Ahem, I borrowed the pix. My photographer daughter has YET to teach me how to upload photos...technologically, I'm challenged. But, not in the kitchen. Amen.)
My mom's Molasses Spice Cookies were just the ticket that filled my young heart with the joy of forgetfulness. For some reason we called these "Joe Froggers". But, when I went through my mom's (majorly huge) collection of snipped and clipped recipes last year I found another recipe for Joe Froggers. That particular recipe didn't appeal to me at all. Mom handed me this recipe and said,
"This is what you're looking for." I don't know where the mix-up in the name happened. But, when I followed her recipe I realized...these beauties were indeed just what I was looking for. Oh, the childhood memories flowed.

Rod's dad had a nasty fall last Thursday. Meals On Wheels called us saying that he was covered with blood from the bridge of his nose to his knees. He wouldn't let them in and he shut the door in their face. Not like Kert at all. So, Rod went right over. After a four day stay in the hospital and many tests and prayers the decision was made that Kert needed to move from his home-alone situation into Assisted Living. My husband (and his sister) are both shocked and emotionally worn out from these last days turn of events. Kert's joyful disposition in his new home has eased a lot of the guilt. I hate to say these cookies could help also, but I have to.

But, there's more, too. We can't live on sweets alone. (Unfortunately.) So, this recipe is my solution to the need for additional comfort. My sixteen year old is my greatest testifier about this soup. Last year I made this chili recipe one morning while she was at school. I waited at the bus-stop for her and the minute she got in the car she said, "You made White Christmas Chili, didn't you? I can smell it on you. Can I have some when we get home or do I have to wait for dinner?"

If you are in need of some other kind of spicy comfort, this is it. I think this is one of my very favorite recipes. I got it out of the Southern Living November 2002
issue. My family is a bunch of cilantro-shy folks. Not me, I love, love, love it. If you like cilantro use it, if you don't...skip it (your loss).

If you're in need of comfort: these foods do the trick!

MOM'S MOLASSES SPICE COOKIES

1 1/2 sticks unsalted butter (PLEASE do not ruin your cookies with anything else)
1 1/2 cups sugar (1/2 cup for rolling cookies in)
1/4 cup molasses (I use Grandma's brand)
1 egg
2 cups sifted all-purpose flour
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon cinnamon
3/4 teaspoon ground ginger
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves

MELT butter in medium saucepan over low heat, set aside to cool to room temperature.

STIR 1 cup sugar, molasses, and egg into melted, cooled butter.

SIFT together flour, soda and spices.

ADD to butter mixture and mix well.

COVER dough and chill in fridge 45 minutes.

PREHEAT oven to 350.

SHAPE dough into 1" balls and roll in remaining 1/2 cup sugar.

PLACE 2" apart on UNgreased cookie sheet.

BAKE for 8 minutes until cookies are deep golden brown and crackled.

COOL on wire racks and keep yourself from eating every single one of them.

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WHITE CHRISTMAS CHILI

4 boneless/skinless chicken breasts
5 cups water
1 large onion (I use yellow, less tears), chopped and divided
2 Tablespoons butter
2 celery ribs chopped
3 16 oz. cans Great Northern Beans (I actually use two of GNB and one of Chili Beans)
3 4.5 oz cans green diced green chilies
1 cup chicken broth (canned or boxed)
1 teaspoon ground cumin
1 bay leaf
1 teaspoon salt
dash cayenne pepper
1 Tablespoon chopped fresh cilantro

TOPPINGS: sour cream, shredded colby jack, tortilla chips, salsa, MORE CILANTRO!

BOIL chicken and half of onion in five cups of water over medium-hi heat for about 18 minutes. Remove and dice chicken into bite sized pieces. SAVE the BROTH!

MELT butter in skillet, add celery and onion. Saute' til tender.

STIR chicken, celery mixture, 2 of the cans of beans, and next six ingredients into the broth.

COOK at medium-lo for 1 hour, stirring frequently.

PROCESS remaining can of beans in food processor, scrape down sides, until smooth.

STIR bean puree into soup and mix thoroughly.

REMOVE Bay leaf and discard.

THROW in CILANTRO (if you have no pickie-younies in your home), otherwise use it as an optional topping.

SERVE with toppings. I pray God's wondrous blessings on you and yours as you enjoy!

Being still

Be still and know that I am God...Psalm 46:10a


It is a quiet time for me. I am having a season of firsts. This is the first time in my life that I am alone in the daytime. Both of my girls are (thankfully) attending school. One, a sophomore in high school; the other in Kindergarten.

My life has been all about my children these last seven years. First homeschooling Rachel the year after I recognized the LORD and then bringing sweet Gracie home from the hospital to foster and then adopt. My days have been full to the brim and overflowing these last years. Now, after a whirlwind of bacon, eggs, cinnamon-honeyed toast, vitamins and milk, lunches made, papers signed and a drive to school I return to dirty dishes and a silent dog who no longer greets me when I walk in the door. "She's old," I tell myself, "it's not personal."

My grandmother encouraged me to get a little part time job somewhere. "Call the Mayor's office and get your old job back. They liked you, you were good there. They'll hire you back." Poor Grama. She doesn't understand the way the world works now. I'm old and out of date, technologically speaking. I'm no longer useful to anyone in an office environment where computer skills are necessary. She makes it sound so easy...like they'd be getting a good deal. I laugh at that.

My mother tells me to rest. "You've earned it. You've spoiled your family rotten with all that cooking that you've been doing over the years. They've been eating eggs and bacon for breakfast EVERY DAY of the WEEK and a "gourmet" meal every night! They won't know what to do with themselves once you have your surgery and you HAVE to be in the bed to recuperate for two-plus weeks. And I'm warning you, Jennifer, you BETTER STAY IN THAT BED! You'll be sorry if you don't!"

Surgery. There's another reason I need to be still. Yes, I got through "all the emotions" associated with signing that horrible paper acknowledging that after my hysterectomy on October 26th, I will never be able to bear children again. At least I thought I did.

And then a couple of weeks ago I was doing my normal weekday afternoon routine. Picked Gracie up in the lower school building and was waiting outside the upper school building for Rachel to emerge for the ride home. Here comes a woman just a little younger than I am with the coveted treasure snuggled sweetly up against her chest and neck. He was probably about two months old, if that. Such a tender package. I could almost smell him. I could almost feel the incredible softness of his newborn skin and then right there something inside me died all over again. Why, God, does it STILL HURT SOOOO MUCH????

Now, I try to avoid the upper school building. I don't want to see her and him again. But, yesterday there was another one. Her baby was older. He had one one of those sweet long-sleeved button-up rompers where all of his limbs were nestled inside soft stripey cotton. They're everywhere, these little marvels. To me, they're like forbidden chocolate. I want one sooo bad. I can't have one, though.

Enter Satan. He's ruthless, in case you didn't know. He loves to plant wicked seeds to see what will grow. Since they didn't schedule my surgery until the end of October that means I have to endure two more cycles until then. When I saw the first bundle of joy it was the beginning of September. I spent two weeks believing that faint little false-hope that he had planted...maybe I will shock everyone and get pregnant right before my surgery...AT LAST!!! Everyone will laugh with me and I will have the joy of calling my doctor and saying..."nevermind about taking out all these broken parts...turns out we were wrong!" I held onto that hope and dared to believe it until last week when just like clockwork my cycle began. I rejoiced that it was my "next to last one". I cried because I believed the lie, AGAIN.

So, this week I've told myself again all the reasons why I don't want another baby. They aren't any of the reasons you're thinking of, I'm certain. Because I love changing diapers. I love getting up in the wee hours of the night to have a "visit". I love the cuddling and the laundry and the bathing and bottle-washing and formula prep. I love, love, love the absolute routine of caring for a baby. No, all those are reasons other people have for dreading babies.

I dread the raising part. The discipline and the worry. I dread the constant feeling of being completely inadequate to be a good mother. I dread the fear that something horrible will happen to them (because of my neglect somehow). I dread the anguish associated with raising a person who loves the LORD more than themselves and their sin nature. I am smack dab in the middle of these dreads with my other two. And honestly, I see no end in sight. I know my Rachel is a year and half away from walking out our door for good. I should rejoice but I can't. I wish I had done so many things differently for her. But, I was not walking with the LORD for her first eight years and I only gave her a wicked foundation to grow on. I know only God can fix our past. And I do know He is working "all things together for good" somehow.

Okay. Enough uncontrollable weeping. Be still. Be still. Be still.

I may never give birth to another child again. My parts may very well be broken. However, I have confessed my desires to my husband for another baby to hold. Another life to guard. Another chance. And I have confessed it to Him, too. He knows the desires of my heart. And it's funny that I never got to do all those things for the child that I DID give birth to. But, I got to do all those things for the child I DIDN'T give birth to. So, giving birth isn't the real key issue here (even if Satan wants me to believe it is). Maybe one day down the road I will be picking up my precious daughters at school with a new bundle nestled against my neck.

For now, I am being still and I know that He is God.

Coming Boldly to the Throne of Grace

This painting is by Emile Munier

Miraculous things happen when we pray with believing hearts. Encouragement from God's Word and church are key.

Here's the thing...I have never had peace about homeschooling Gracie. She never did either. We were going to make the most of it because, financially, that's where we were. I didn't want to teach her at home, not because I think I can't do it. That's not it. I know I can. But, just because you CAN do something, doesn't mean you should. It hadn't been going well. And it only got harder when Rachel started back to ACA on Wednesday, August 18th. Gracie continually asks, "Why does Sissy get to go to school and I can't? How come I have to stay home all day with you, Mama?" (Ouch.)

I have explained to her many times that Rachel's is all taken care of. Praise the LORD! Gracie is unwilling to accept this. I agree quietly. It's not fair. Yet, instead of praying to God, I keep whining about it.

I want Gracie to have EVERYTHING the LORD has for her. I never want to stand in the way of what He has for her. SHE BELONGS TO HIM! He brought her to us on her one month birthday. We realize He hand-picked us to care for her and bring her up to know HIM and love HIM with a loyal and willing heart. That part, I can do. That is the reason I believe God chose me to be her mother. I can impart a loyal and grateful love to Grace towards our Heavenly Father. But, teaching her academically...nah. I stink there. You can ask Rachel about that.

The family joke is that I haven't any patience. I tell them, "I don't have any patients, I'm not a doctor." Ha ha. But, it's really not too funny.

Enter the Holy Spirit and He stirs up my tenaciousness. My husband hates my tenacity. He tries to run and hide when he sees it rising up. Here's what happened.

In February, while Gracie was attending preschool at ACA we applied for financial aid to pay for her Kindergarten. She was tested and approved to begin Kindergarten there in August. Our financial aid came through based upon Rod's income in February. The school offered us a nice grant in April. Rod lost his job just around the time we found out about the grant. It was going to be a total stretch now. We did not sign the school commitment letter for Gracie. We waited all summer for things to turn around for us financially. I prayed lazily that God would just help me be patient while He comes through with the next job for Rod.

We had a nice summer hanging around our lovely home. (Thank you, Lord for this wonderful place you've given to us.) The deadline to sign the commitment letter for ACA passed. We decided to homeschool. I was bummed but that was nothing compared to Gracie's reaction. Fast forward to mid-August.

I don't want anyone out there to think I am against homeschooling. I'm not. I know some lovely homeschoolers who are adults now (Sunny Williams, Rachel Osigian). I know it's a wonderful gift that some very dedicated mothers give to their children. But, I believe in our case, my girls are better off with a variety of God-loving teachers who are trained to be teachers and a mama who trains them at home about loving God and family. This is what works best for us. But for the moment we had one shoe on and one shoe off, so to speak.

Pastor Mike began preaching about Boldness. Four Sundays in a row he preaches nearly the same message: Boldness. Living boldly for the glory of God. YES! Not skulking around in the shadows sinning quietly as a habit and then slinking into church on Sundays to repent (again). Boldness is being courageous enough to recognize that you must humble yourself like a little child and keep your eye on the Prize. Boldly reign in your flesh. Boldly share your faith. Now is the time for boldness!

During this time Pastor Glynn Bachelor brings a teaching on the awesome work of the Holy Spirit. He quoted R.A. Torrey, "Many in the church claim for themselves only a small part of what God has made possible for them in Christ because they know so little of what the Holy Spirit can do--and longs to do--for us."

And Pastor Glynn also gave us this quote from Lloyd John Ogilvie, "Sadly, many Christians settle for two-thirds of God. They are what I call 'bi-tarians' rather than Trinitarians. God the Father is way up there somewhere, aloof and apart from their daily lives. Christ is out there somewhere between them and the Father. The Holy Spirit is some kind of vague force or impersonal power, but they do not know Him personally." (Ugh. That kind of made me feel sick.)

After church I go pick up Gracie from my mom's class. Here comes another ACA mom who we also go to church with. She has a daughter Gracie's age. She looks me seriously in the eye and asks, "Where is Gracie?" I knew she meant, why wasn't Gracie in Kindergarten at ACA? I told her we were homeschooling because of Rod's job situation. She shook her head in understanding and as she was I heard the voice of the LORD say to me, "Hezekiah. Hezekiah. Hezekiah." Hhhm. Hezekiah.

While I made lunch I thought about what I know about King Hezekiah. The LORD told Isaiah to tell him he was going to die. He went home and curled up in bed and faced the wall and cried. He plead his case to the LORD. The LORD heard him and sent Isaiah back to tell him he had been given fifteen more years.

I whispered to the LORD, "Am I curling up and taking it instead of pleading my case with you, LORD?" That night Rod and I went to church because Bill Delong was preaching. I love Bill. I can't tell you all the reasons why. He and his wife Edith are some of the most dear people I have ever met. Bill and I share a birthday, so I feel like we have this special connection and also, I just love to hear his wonderful stories.

That night Bill said he heard a Word from the LORD about boldness and he wanted to share it with us. He said that God told him that boldness isn't just about sharing your faith but there are so many unopened blessings in Heaven because God's people just won't ask. He reminded us that we are to "...COME BOLDLY TO THE THRONE OF GRACE, THAT WE MAY OBTAIN MERCY, AND FIND GRACE TO HELP IN TIME OF NEED." Hebrews 4:16

Needless to say that message accompanied by my Hezekiah prompting and Pastor Glynn's sobering quotes weighed on me Sunday night. By Monday morning I was filled with HOLY SPIRIT-led BOLDNESS to state my case before my King.

"It's not fair, LORD. This is YOUR DAUGHTER! You want the very best for her. I want the best for her and we both know she is withering here at home with me. I trust You, LORD that YOU chose the best mother for her in choosing me. I thank You for that extreme privilege, however, I am not the best teacher for her and YOU KNOW IT! Please, LORD, please make a way for this child to go to ACA. I am coming to YOU boldly and boldly asking for mercy and grace for help in time of need. Gracie needs a DIVINE INTERVENTION that only YOU can provide, LORD. You're leading me and I'm following, now please, throw open that door for her...in Jesus' Name I come boldly to You with this request! Amen."

By 8:15am I had an ox-goad pressed into Rod's back as he phoned the headmaster at ACA. Rod asked him to "re-evaluate us financially" so that we could possibly get a larger grant since our finances are different now than they were in February. He said he would call us back. Rachel was sitting in class. Gracie was working on her math workbook I bought for her at Ingles. Rod waited. I waited and then I prayed some more.

In the meantime a relative of mine called out of the blue. He said he wanted to do something for Gracie. I told him what we were trying to do at the current moment. He laughed and said, "I want to contribute monthly to her tuition." I thanked him and told him how nice that was but no, that wouldn't be necessary. He said, "It isn't for YOU, it's for her. Now, just say thank you and tell me your address again." I did and I got all hopped up in faith.

I pictured the LORD down on his knees with his arms outstretched to me saying gently, "Come on, come on, you can do it. That's it. Keep coming. Come on, come on, you can do it. That's a girl, keep trying." His gentle urging reminded me of watching Gracie take her first steps. And it made me smile.

Friends, by 3:00 pm last Monday I was walking around the ACA campus with my arms full of tiny size 5 uniforms. Gracie started Kindergarten the next morning bright and early. I've never seen her happier. I am so filled with gratitude at our fabulous LORD for listening to my plea and answering my prayers (and Gracie's)!

I never want to become an unbelieving Holy-hand-tying "bi-tarian". The first scripture verse I ever taught Gracie was, "With God ALL things are possible, yaaaaayyyy!!" (Of course I added my emphasis to Mark 10:27.) God can do anything He wants to. And He uses his Holy Spirit to lead us into all truth. We must worship Him in Spirit and in Truth. I want to believe Him for anything, and everything. When He answers my prayer my faith in Him grows by leaps and bounds. I hope my daughters see it too and their faith grows as well.

I've said it before and I'll say it again: "Praise Jesus!"

Dry, Dry, Dry. But, Not Forever!

This painting is by Morgan Wiestling


It's been a very dry season for me. I'm not talking about lack of rain, either. All of my plans have been rearranged by the LORD and I have been struggling through the process.

In early April my plans were all set. Rachel, my oldest, would be turning 16 this summer and heading to tenth grade at her wonderful private Christian school. Gracie, my very active five year old, was already tested for Kindergarten at the same school and was enrolled to begin in the Fall. She had just finished preschool there and absolutely loved it. And I loved the idea of them both going there. It's a great school. Full of teachers and staff who openly love the LORD. These are people who have had struggles in their lives and share with zeal how the Lord brought them through those hard times. It's one way we overcome the enemy: the word of your testimony.

On April 20th everything turned upside down. It was going to be a difficult day anyway. I knew this before I woke up that morning. It was the one year anniversary of my father's suicide. God has blessed me with assurance countless times that my believing father is with Him. I cling, cling, cling to these assurances. I KNOW that my earthly father is with my Heavenly One even at this moment. Still, the date was there. It's hard to forget.

But, one year later, that afternoon my husband came home from work early and announced that he'd been laid off from his first paying ministry job. He's been a custodian and a laborer all of his life until God finally opened the door for him to get PAID to minister. What a blessing! But, now after a year and a half of that, God had closed the door. Yes. God did it. We were well aware.

By mid-July Rod still had not been able to secure work. He had applied for janitorial jobs at the hospitals and schools, yet no interviews, let alone, phone calls came out of this. My dear brother offered him good paying, hard laboring construction demo work out of town. Rod went. He worked. He ministered to hurting people with conversation and prayer. He made enough money to get us through July's stack of bills, except the first payment for Gracie's school.

It was evident that we were going to have to let that go. Like I said to begin with, God was rearranging my plans. I wept, at first. Gracie did, too. "This is God's plan for now, Grace. This is what God has for us. We have to be flexible in His hands." She admitted she would keep praying. She did not want to be homeschooled. I did not want to do it, either. Even if it is only Kindergarten.

Okay. After four months of my husband being unemployed I got mad at God. I withdrew and felt the ground around my heart get real hard like a dirt road in a dry summer. I kept going through the motions: morning devotions, Bible study (I can't get out of this because Rod wakes me up every morning at 6:30 with a steaming cup of coffee at my bedside and gently demands that I get up and study my Bible). I kept up with prayer. Inside I was ticked off, really, because I got to that hard place of: "Why pray? He isn't listening, anyway?" I felt myself getting madder. I knew I had a choice to make. I knew I was making the wrong one. With my mouth I praised the LORD but my heart was far from Him. You don't fool God and you only hurt yourself with this behavior. Still, I felt very much like a spoiled child. My spiritual arms were crossed angrily across my heart and my face was scrunched up with displeasure.

One night I could not sleep. I was so dry. I was so tight with emptiness. Without Him I am nothing. Without Him I cannot function. If I am not for Him, then I am against Him. I got to a quiet place where I just fell to my knees and admitted my anger at Him. I let it all out. It had been quite a stretch of time for me. I try to make this a regular practice: casting all my cares upon Him because He cares for me. But, I couldn't bear this dry, heavy load anymore and I felt His gentle quiet voice remind me that I was never designed to. I didn't feel much better once I got off my knees, though. I was still dry. Deep inside, I kept thinking, "Now, He'll give me my way." Dangerous. Pride is the biggest sin of all. I was trying to play a game with Him and He doesn't play games. I forgot that, momentarily.

More bad news came. I was sent for tests. I need surgery. Because Rod is unemployed we actually qualify for me to have the tests and the surgery for free. (A Silver Lining to unemployment.) I struggled with the idea of this surgery, too. It means the absolute end to the eight year old hope that someday I will give birth to Rod's son. The end of that hope. The tests also reveal the reason Rod and I have never been able to conceive. Mystery solved. Surgery needed. Life is changing in unexpected ways.

In April, I didn't see this coming. I didn't give all my anxieties to the LORD about these things. I mourned over what I've done to my body in my pre-Christ life, AGAIN. I mourned over never being able to give this precious husband of mine his own son. I heard my enemy whisper, "He got a real clunker when he married you, huh?" I waved him away like an annoying gnat instead of resisting him like I should have. I carried these worries and burdens around on my shoulders and then, finally, I got sick. All the what-if's in the middle of the night. All the regrets over things I can never ever change (that have been washed in the blood of the Lamb, by the way...only I forgot because I ran out into the desert like Hagar, thinking I can handle this on my own.)

I wandered around my house one agonizingly sleepless night just coughing, wheezing and unable to breathe freely. I began muttering, "Dry, dry, dry. Oh, God, I'm so dry. Dry, LORD, I'm dry. I'm just so dry and I can't get any relief. Where are you? Why are you so silent? I'm dying of thirst here. I can't breathe. I can't catch a single breath, LORD. It's so dry." And then, in the dark I remembered Ezekiel 37. I flipped on the lamp and opened my Bible.

"The hand of the LORD came upon me and brought me out in the Spirit of the LORD, and set me down in the midst of the valley; and it was full of bones.

Then He caused me to pass by them all around, and behold, there were very many in the open valley and indeed they were very dry.

And He said to me, "Son of man, can these bones live?" So, I answered, "O LORD GOD, You know."

Again He said to me, "Prophesy to these bones, and say to them, 'O dry bones, hear the word of the LORD!

Thus says the LORD GOD to these bones: "Surely I will cause breath to enter into you, and you shall live.

I will put sinews on you and bring flesh upon you, cover you with skin and put breath in you; and you shall live. Then you shall know that I am the LORD'."

So, I prophesied as I was commanded; and as I prophesied , there was a noise, and suddenly a rattling; and the bones came together bone to bone.

Indeed, as I looked, the sinews and the flesh came upon them, and the skin covered them over; but there was no breath in them.

Also, He said to me, "Prophesy to the breath, prophesy, son of man, and say to the breath, "Thus says the LORD GOD: 'Come from the four winds, O breath, and breathe on these slain that they may live.'"

So, I prophesied as He commanded me, and breath came into them, and they lived, and stood upon their feet, an exceedingly great army."

And this verse I had marked on the opposite page in my Bible from Ezekiel 36:26-27,
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will take the heart of stone out of your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in my statutes, and you will keep My judgments and do them."

It was my "word in season". The next morning I was new and revived in my spirit, but my flesh was wheezing, coughing and perishing. Rod sent me back to the doctor. I didn't want to go. A voice kept whispering, "Haven't they seen enough of you?" But, I went back. When I checked in the receptionist dodged my covered cough and instructed me to wear a mask so that others wouldn't be contaminated.

I was thoroughly humiliated at having to wear this mask in a room full of people, but I put in on and casually leafed through a copy of a parenting magazine. Soon enough a sweet young, face in pink scrubs came through the door and called out my name. She took one look at me in my mask of shame and her face was filled with the compassion of Christ. As soon as I stepped through the door she said softly, "Take that off, now."

She took me into the examining room and began asking me all the necessary questions as she gently checked my vitals. I was grateful to the Lord for sending me a tender-hearted girl to nurse me that day. It's a Christian clinic that I go to, so I felt completely at ease as I started to shed my complaints both the worries about my upcoming surgery (couldn't this be a contributor to my current illness?) and then my fears at homeschooling Gracie because we can't afford to send her to her school.

Here is the LORD at work. This girl. This eighteen, maybe nineteen year old girl reveals to me that she is currently enrolled in a fine college and attending nursing school, pursuing her dream, only because of her diligent homeschooling mother. "I would never have been able to get into college and become a nurse without my mother as my teacher. Never."

All the weights dropped off of me, right there at that moment, in that room. She smiled sweetly at me and confessed that she's been really "dry" lately and was just struggling with how to get past it. I laughed between choking and coughing spells as I told her about Ezekiel 37. She asked me twice what the reference was. We talked some more and I thanked her for her kindness. Before she rose to leave she said, "I want you to know that I was praying that God would send me someone tangible, someone with flesh on, to encourage me in my walk. He sent me you. Thank you."

I have been praying for her. Her name is Sarah. The LORD blessed both of us that day. It may be dry at times but it won't last forever. (It just occurred to me, as I typed her name, that when Hagar ran away into the desert, God told her to go back and submit herself to Sarah. Hmmm. Hagar and Sarah were both having the same struggle of unexpected things in life that the LORD had for them.)

I had to go to a dry place of my own choosing. God didn't leave me alone there. (He didn't leave Hagar alone, either. She called Him "the God who sees me.") He waited patiently for me to realize, it's not my will, but His that matters. I must get past my ideas about how my life and the life of my family "should be" and accept what He has for us. It is the only way to maintain a peaceful heart. Jesus did this same struggle in the Garden hours before his Divine Suffering. We all must remember "Humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God and He will lift you up." James 4:10

Reflections

The title of this painting is Reflections by Morgan Wiestling


In Him you also trusted, after you heard the word of truth, the gospel of your salvation; in whom also, having believed, you were sealed with the Holy Spirit of promise. Ephesians 1:13

Pastor Billy Osigian taught on this scripture once. He declared that the Holy Spirit is my engagement ring from God. He is my Holy promise that God has chosen me and will come back for me. Oh friends, how I take such comfort in that thought.

I have not written in a while. Much has been going on all around us. Much of it is confusing and painful and yet that Diamond of Promise sparkles and shines through it all. What would we ever do apart from the LORD? How on earth would we ever cope? Before I knew Him I used prescription drugs, alcohol and various other false hopes to get me through to the next crisis. Praise JESUS that is over for me!

My mother has the habit of telling me to "lower my expectations". You know this goes against everything the world teaches, so it must be right, huh? I'm smiling widely as I type that. Yes, do lower your expectations. It is essential to your happy survival here on earth. At least lower your expectations regarding things of the earth. I would NEVER (and I'm sure my mother would agree) ask you to lower your expectations of things to come after we shed this tent and move into our HOME. But, while we're here...expect trials and tribulations. Expect that people will only be able to do what they and their circumstances can do and no more. Do not hold them accountable to be what you expect when they end up being only what they are. I wish I could remember this every day. I wish I could stop expecting God to work out my plans. I wish I could just keep on rolling with His plans and maintain a cheerful attitude. Isn't that what we're supposed to do? I'm stinking at this lately, folks. Really.

I'm not one for old sayings but this one I am feeling to be true lately..."You wanna make God laugh? Then just tell Him your plans."

Rod got some good paying work that's temporary but out of town. He had to travel a good distance to do this labor-intensive but financially rewarding job. I was sickened at first that he would have to go. I think he was, too. We have been like peanut butter and jelly for so long. We have taken it for granted, too. He has been out of work since April 20th and for most of those weeks he has been here at home with me all day looking for jobs to apply for on the internet. Honestly, I have been grumbling about having him "underfoot" all day. As though this isn't HIS home and I only share it with him. (I told you my attitude is stinkin'.)

One day before Rod got this out of town job offer the second time I woke up and he was already in the kitchen doing his early morning Bible study. I rolled out of bed with the same crappy attitude I had the day before...a grumbling in my spirit at God for allowing this seemingly never-ending unemployment. I felt the LORD say to me, "These are the best days of your life and you're complaining. What's wrong with you, Child? Haven't I been taking good care of you? Don't you have plenty to eat and a beautiful home with central air on these hot and humid days? Aren't all your bills paid in full in spite of the current unemployment? What have you really got to complain about? Didn't you tell Me you love spending time with your family more than any other activity in the world? You've been on a two month at home vacation with your family and I have been footing the bill. So, why the long face?"


I suddenly remembered my parents taking my brother and stepsister and me to Walt Disney World. My sister lived most of the year with her mother and she lacked for no material thing in an effort to make up for her father living with us instead of her. This child was spoiled rotten to say the very least. My brother and I were always in awe of her because she never seemed to get in trouble for her antics. But on this day, at the Magic Kingdom as we were getting ready to go in our five star hotel room at The Polynesian, Julie had a temper tantrum because after four changes of clothes, she couldn't find anything she wanted to wear. We were all waiting and excited to finally be there. My sister, at probably twelve years of age, pitched a fit and thrashed herself around because of her wardrobe. (Her big yellow suitcase bulged with outfits galore. I was certain she had more things packed in that Samsonite than I had in my entire closet at home). David and I stood by wide-eyed waiting and watching to see what would come of this behavior. We both knew that if either of us ever dared to act this way, Dad's belt was the answer. And then, quick as a wink, Dad moved like a stealthy lion and snatched his daughter up, peeled off her cute shorts and paddled her bare bottom right in front of all of us. David and I were stunned (and delighted, I have to be honest.)

On this morning, rolling out of bed, God reminded me of how foolish it is to have a fit at Disney World. I asked him to forgive me. I asked Rod, too. I had developed the old dead girl's attitude of disrespect in my heart towards him. "You're not working, so why should I respect you." Yeah, that's not in the Bible. I am just to respect my husband because he IS my husband. (I got the better part of the deal, you can ask anyone who knows me.) So, there's my reflection on that.

It's been another month now. Rod is still earning good money. He's gone for a little while and then he'll be back. He came rushing home when a call came through to interview for a really great job here locally. He consulted his Bible and felt certain the LORD was telling him to return to his job away from home. So, the next morning he packed right back up and left. A few days later we got that fun letter in the mailbox, "Thanks for interviewing but we hired someone else." Lower your expectations. Lower your expectations. Lower your expectations. Every job (except the one he is working on right now) has completely fallen through.

Rod was telling his friend at church that "every door I try gets closed right in my face". Gracie was sitting in his lap listening to her Daddy speak. She chimed right in, "Then try the windows, Daddy." Out of the mouth of babes. It has come to our focused attention that ministry is happening right where he is now. We see the eternal purpose for the plan God is executing. I have to adjust my attitude and see the Big Picture (at least the view that God allows me to peek through). I must remain flexible. Pastor Chuck Smith of Calvary Chapel says, "Blessed are the flexible for they will not break." Yes.

And there are other things brewing here that are troubling. Health issues that have surfaced within are a matter of concern. Mr. Fear is here with all of his ammunition. He is so busy and man, he never takes a break. But, God...in all of His infinite wisdom had me tape a beautiful calligraphy copy of Psalm 103 to the inside of my kitchen cabinet. His words soothe me in every way imaginable and I see Mr. Fear packing up in retreat. (Praise Jesus.)

Reflect on this. I am not the only one in trouble or tribulation here. You are, too...in ways you won't talk to anyone about. But, He knows and He cares and He is working out His plan beautifully. This is an anonymous poem from the front of one of my very favorite books of all time: Tramp for the LORD by Corrie Ten Boom:

My life is but a weaving between my God and me,
I do not choose the colors, He worketh steadily,
Oftimes He weaveth sorrow, and I in foolish pride,
Forget He sees the upper, and I the underside.
Not till the loom is silent, and shuttles cease to fly,
Will God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why.
The dark threads are as needful in the skillful Weaver's hand,
As threads of gold and silver in the pattern He has planned.

My precious Miss Ten Boom continues..."Although the threads of my life have often seemed knotted, I know, by faith, that on the other side of the embroidery there is a crown. As I have walked the world -- a tramp for the Lord -- I have learned a few lessons in God's great classroom. Even as I share these things with those of you who read this book, I pray the Holy Spirit will reveal something of the divine pattern in God's plan for you also."

Thank You, Corrie. And moreover, Thank You, Lord. Thank You for Your plans and not for mine. Amen.

Baptize me!

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On June 24, 2010 Linda Grace Morris was splashing with her Daddy in her little pool. She has, for some time, been asking to be baptized. This is how it went.

Like the Ethiopian eunuch, she heard the gospel, understood that she is a sinner in need of a Savior and that Jesus Christ is THE ONLY Savior. She has asked for God's forgiveness and that her crimes be applied to her punished Savior Who took them upon Himself at the Cross of Calvary. This happened a couple of years ago.

Now, she is five. She listens to the Bible stories we read to her every night. She has heard the passage in Acts 8:26-40 (read it, you'll be glad you did). Verses 36-38 reads, "Now as they went down the road, they came to some water. And the eunuch said, "See here is water. What hinders me from being baptized?" "Then Philip said, "If you believe with all your heart, you may." And he answered and said, "I believe that Jesus Christ is the Son of God." So, he commanded the chariot to stand still. And both Philip and the eunuch went down into the water and he baptized him."

Now, I was inside making up two Chicken Pies and heard Rod calling, "Jenn, Gracie wants to be baptized." "I know," I said, "she has for some time." Rod smiled at her and said, "Today's the day!" I ran to get Rachel's camera and began snapping the photos.

Sweet Rachel uploaded the beautiful pictures to her facebook page and then the comments started coming. You would think that everyone would rejoice with us, right? Yeah, right. Some "friend" of Rachel's (an adult acquaintance of hers who is actually a friend of another adult relative of hers) posed a series of questions regarding Gracie's front yard splash pool baptism. The woman's final comment was "seems pretty non-religious". Good. I hope so.

Religion is what the Pharisees practiced and is what REALLY hacked Jesus off. If you read your Bible and ask the Lord to reveal it to you, He will...really He will.

God ties it all together. Here's what happened this morning...Gracie ambled in to my bed where I was doing my Bible study and sleepily demanded, "Read it to me out loud, Mama." So, I read Psalm 73 and then Psalm 63 and then I moved into Mark chapter 4. Twice in this chapter alone Jesus says, "He who has ears to hear, let him hear."

"What does Jesus mean, Mama?" I held her sweet, soft hand. "He means that if you have a heart to yearn for and understand Him, then listen and understand His teachings." She settled in and listened to the rest until she realized she could go out into the kitchen and interrupt Daddy's Bible study next. She pulled "Doggie-Same-Color-As-My-Hair" up under her arm and stood in the doorway. "Thank you for readin' it to me." I smiled at her sweetness, "Thank you for listening."

I turned the page and this passage caught my eye. It was exactly what happened on facebook yesterday.

"In vain (fruitlessly and without profit) do they worship Me, ordering and teaching (to be obeyed) as doctrines the commandments and precepts of men. You disregard and give up and ask to depart from you the commandment of God and cling to the tradition of men (keeping carefully and faithfully)." And He said to them, "You have a fine way of rejecting (thus thwarting and nullifying and doing away with) the commandment of God in order to keep your tradition (your own human regulations)!" Mark 7:7-9 AMP

Comments coming from someone who "practices" Catholicism and favors the traditions of that religion over the simple truths of the gospel are in danger of missing the mark. And, please don't get me wrong, I'm not lumping ALL Catholics together in one pile. No one belongs lumped into a pile because of one or two people who have their hearts and minds and mouths in the wrong place. And it's not just certain Catholics, but anyone who "believes and practices a lie". (I'm thinking of those hideous people who absolutely blaspheme the Name of Christ by calling themselves Christians and standing around waving signs that falsely claim that "God hates fags". I want to personally scourge the devil out of them myself. But, he is the orchestrator of all that is false. If only the masses who don't know God would look beyond these yo-yos and know without a doubt, THEY do not represent GOD at all! And by the beautiful drawing power of the HOLY SPIRIT, they will. Amen.)

When Jesus calls out, "he who has ears to hear, let him hear!" He is encouraging ANYONE to come to Him and give up the empty ways of man. Man can never save us. Man's ways are like the shell the cicada leaves behind. It's interesting, it looks like the real thing but in reality it is the dead leavings of the living creature. Man's ways are dead ways. (I'm gonna hop up higher on my soapbox and open a can of worms now.)

This is like Santa Claus. This is why we don't "do Santa". Satan has devised a way to take what a kind-hearted, generous man who lived (and died) a long time ago did to distract the whole world AWAY from the CHRIST of CHRISTMAS. He is a big red distraction. Nothing more. Well, maybe one thing more and this is is equally as disturbing. Here's the thing: If we really are Christians (in more than just name) and we really do want to be devoted to our Savior and we want to "teach our children the way they should go so that when they are old they will not depart from it"...then why take the terrible chance and LIE to them about Santa's reality and then at the same time teach them that JESUS is real, as well?

Every child eventually learns the truth about Santa...MOM AND DAD LIED TO ME! And then, shouldn't they wonder...."If Santa isn't alive and well, then what about that JESUS you're telling me about?" Duh. When we lie to our kids we teach our kids that we are liars. We teach them that lying about certain things is okay because "it's tradition". Ooops. Jesus said He didn't want us to trade the commandment of God for the tradition of men. Jesus proclaimed Himself to be "the way, the TRUTH, and the life and that no man comes to the FATHER except through Him." I want to KEEP THE TRUTH and ditch the lies. We don't do Santa, Easter Bunny, Tooth Fairy or Halloween because they are the traditions of men and breed a lying mama and daddy. I want my kids to be followers of what is true and what is real, not for my sake but for theirs.

I got saved (made my own profession of faith in Jesus Christ) only because God removed the blinders from my spiritual eyes and allowed me to finally understand the truth of the cross and that it's there for me. This happened seven short years ago. That girl I was before I got saved loved the lies! I celebrated all the lies available to man: God winks at sin. Santa is the King of Christmas. The Tooth Fairy is rich. And next to my birthday and Christmas (not because of Jesus but because of the presents and time off from work), Halloween was the greatest holiday of all. (Think of it...all of your life your parents told you not to take candy from strangers. Then, one "magical" night every year it is your American duty to dress up as a stranger and go knocking on every stranger's door in your neighborhood begging for their candy.) My desire and devotion to chocolate helped me admire this fantastic tradition of men almost above all the others.

Enter Jesus and His bloody head, hands, feet and oozing side. He stretched out a bloody, holey hand to me and begged me, "Come, you who labor and are heavy laden (with all your despicable sins) and I will give you rest." I dared to look up. I believed He was Who He said He was. I believed Him. I took a step of faith and grasped His gentle hand. I opened my Bible and read it every day. I prayed and asked Him to reveal His word to me. He did. I grew into someone I never, ever in my wildest imagination thought I could become. His shed blood made me righteous because His word taught me that "all my righteousness is as filthy rags." And that doesn't change after you get saved, either. Your good works and mine are STILL filthy rags without the righteous heart of Jesus Christ as your motivator. Any good thing I do outside the Holy Spirit-led desire to see God glorified is worthless...like that dead cicada shell.

God, I yearn for more of You right now. I yearn for You to be glorified in all I say, think and do. I thank You, LORD JESUS, that You died in my place. I thank You, Father God, for loving me so much that You'd rather have Your Holy and Sinless Son murdered than live in Paradise without me. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for teaching me the Words of Life and giving me the grace and strength to understand and obey what I read. Thank You, Jesus for reminding me that when I do sin to come and confess my sins because You are faithful and just both to forgive me and cleanse me from ALL unrighteousness. Thank You, LORD that all is ALL. I praise YOU! I need YOU, I want YOU and I love YOU!

A Wonderful Day

Yesterday was one of the most wonderful days I've ever had. In light of last week's wicked trial, it was such a blessing!

The morning started with a nice wake up call from Rod, ever dutiful to deliver a delicious steaming cup of coffee in bed! My time with the Lord during my Bible study was fruitful and encouraging. At the end of my prayer time Gracie greeted me with her usual morning cuddle. I have to push my Bible study materials out of the way to make room for her as she nestles her way under the covers. We kiss and hug and kiss some more. (It's the best part of every day and it usually happens before 7:30!)
Then Rod came in and we prayed together, the three of us...asking for the LORD's blessing on our loved ones and friends. Thank You, LORD, for these mornings together.

Dear Liz is moving and I know she has some running around to do. I also know that 7:30 am is NOT the time to call her home. So, I get dressed and take my place behind the stove and let the cooking begin. Cheesy scrambled eggs, turkey bacon, and wheat toast served with cinnamon and honey are on the menu (as on most other days). Gracie happily ate her breakfast with few complaints. Rod ate his in hearty silence. (He is so easy to please in the food department.) Thank You, LORD, for letting me cook.

The day before yesterday Gracie and I made our way over to Fairview to our favorite library. We took home several DVDs. She had been begging me to see a movie called WATERHORSE. Rachel, Rod and I watched this movie a few years ago and we really enjoyed it. Gracie was too young for it then, but at 5 1/2 she could handle it now. So, after all the breakfast dishes were done and the first load of laundry was started I came upstairs and started the movie. Gracie and I watched it together. Near the end the phone rang. It was Liz. I asked her to bring Adah (almost two) and Elijah (almost 4) over for a splash in the pool so she could get her many errands done before moving day. Thank You, LORD, for the magic of ordinary days.

Before they arrived Gracie and I had a walk around the yard...nature inspection. Our yard is infused with black raspberries and they are beginning to ripen. I get to pick them and plop them in her mouth. Grace found a tiny inch worm and a ladybug. She had the worm on one hand and the ladybug on the other, giggling, "It tickles!" We found other "insteresting" bugs. Bug finding and handling is a particular favorite pastime of both of ours. Yesterday was a great day for it. We saved the inchworm on a leaf for Elijah to have a look at. Thank You, LORD, for Your glorious creation.

I have to say that watching these kids playing together is one life's most simple pleasures. They watched Tinker Bell and then ate a quick lunch. They donned their swimsuits and ran outside for a fun romp in the splash pool. The sun was shining brightly. The butterflies flitted all around the yard and I soaked it up under the shade of the big dogwood tree. They giggled and splashed and ran and jumped in again and again. Adah grabbed the big brightly colored beach ball..."a ball" she said two dozen times at least. I smiled as she tossed it out of the pool and I chased it down and popped it back in. It became a game. She offered a delighted smile. It was the perfect compliment to her wildly beautiful strawberry blonde curls and perfectly pink baby skin. She makes me pine for a baby like crazy. "Oh God, please let me have another baby. If you don't let me give birth to one, then please let me adopt another one." Thank You, LORD, for children.

Elijah is a precious little man splashing and playing with his best bud, Gracie. Sometimes they act like an old married couple. Gracie bosses him around constantly and he does what she says without question. His big hazel eyes are both dreamy and intense. His wavy brown hair just begs to be tousled. I have to intercede, "Grace, don't boss Elijah around, please." A correction here and a warning there lent themselves beautifully to a lesson that Jesus offered about treating others the way we want to be treated. (We all need this reminder, I think.) The kids were completely tuckered out by 2:00. We waved bye-bye to them as their lovely Mommy drove them home for a long well-deserved nap. Thank You, LORD, for time to enjoy good friends.

I left Gracie for a little while in Rachel's tender care and made my grocery trip to Wal-Mart but first I had one other stop to make. Gracie had begged me for a toy. I told her I'd stop by the Dollar Tree (Where everything's a dollar) to check out their selection. My eyes landed on a giant plastic magnifying glass for inspecting bugs. I had scoured the store looking for other ones, but to no avail, that seemed to be the only one. Two other children handled that thing before it was finally left all alone in the wrong place. I snatched it up, and along with a box of spaghetti and a jar of sauce I made my big $3.00 purchase. A $2.00 dinner for four and a treasure for Grace. Thank You, LORD, for the dollar store.

At Wal-Mart there were deals galore. The Tilapia I usually buy for $3.98 a package was on sale for $2.23! I decided against purchasing ready-made frozen meatballs and bought the ground beef and an onion and decided to make my own. I got outta Wally-World for under $40.00. That was really a blessing because at that point I only had $44.00 in my wallet. I wasn't worried, though. I had prayed earlier in the day that the LORD would thrill me and show me He hadn't forgotten us. He made good on that prayer by the end of the day: we got a surprise monetary gift from one friend and a money order came in the mail for a generous amount from another friend. No, He hasn't forgotten us. Thank You, LORD, for Your continued gracious provision.

I had a ball "a ball"...I wish you could hear Adah say it...making dinner last night. Everything was delicious...the spaghetti, the sauce, the homemade meat"balls". (I actually don't make them into ball shapes anymore. I make tiny little hamburger patties. I mix the beef with egg, sauteed red onion, freshly minced garlic, parsley, Italian seasoning, salt, fresh cracked pepper and a handful of shredded Parmesan. I fry them in my big gorgeous aqua colored non-stick skillet to delicious perfection.) Add a nice salad and some garlic Texas toast and we had ourselves a feast! Thank You, LORD, for nightly dinner with my family.

After dinner Daddy and I slipped away for a quiet coffee date. We skipped our usual fare and headed downtown hoping The Green Sage Coffee shop was now open for summer hours. They were and we both enjoyed a nice cup of coffee and shared a sumptuous piece of organic carrot cake. It was delicious. The sights were not, however. Asheville, especially downtown, is a reason for a grieved spirit and at one point I was moved to tears. "Was Sodom like this, LORD?" One day the LORD is going to let us open that coffee house/chapel down there and when we do we will finally be able to minister to these wanderers, proud to be freaks, hurting, dying, lonely and lost souls. Thank You, LORD, for making a way through Your lovely Son.

The sun set beautifully across the Blue Ridge Mountains last night. The sky was purple, pink and grey. The lush green mountains stood strong below. It was breathtaking. I see why people come to Asheville. The car tags boasted travelers from Ohio, South Carolina, Tennessee, Oklahoma, California, Minnesota, New Hampshire, Connecticut, Indiana and Florida. Biltmore Village was bustling as we made our way home. Thank You, LORD, for sweet, sweet coffee dates with my hunky husband.

My brother called at 8:00 and begged me to send Rod to Kentucky to help him get his construction jobs done. "Jenn, I need someone I can trust. I need someone mature that I can rely on; someone who will actually work when I'm not standing over them. Please, send Rod. He can come home on the weekends and I'll pay for his hotel and his meals. I want to spend time with him. Talk to him." Rod was pumping the gas. I laughed. "He won't come, David. He has to take care of his Dad." My brother kept begging and then, he let it go. Kert is scheduled for surgery next Tuesday...it's the only thing on his radar screen. If Rod were to go out of town I think poor Kert would lose it, really. I enjoyed my conversation with my baby brother. I am looking forward to seeing him at the end of June. Thank You, LORD, you made him call.

Alas, I slipped into bed at 10:45 and tossed until 12:15. Rod was very aggravated with me. "Jenn. I WAS asleep until you came in and woke me up. NOW, I'M wide awake!" Well, that's married life. We lay there in the dark waiting for that blessed sleep to overtake us. I thought he had nodded off again until he said, "Do you think that coffee wasn't decaf????" The question hung in the air over the bed and then we both laughed. Thank You, LORD, for a wonderful day.

"This is the day that the LORD has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24